FOR MY BROTHERS WHO HAVE LEFT THE PRIESTHOOD

Ever since Pope Francis was elected, I have noticed a surge of hope rise within the ranks of my brother-Priests who have left active ministry.  Some have married.  Others live their lives in ways others of quiet service.

Over the years, I have tried to maintain my association with close friends who left active ministry.  I’ve often wondered why they left.  In some cases, I’ve been bold enough to ask them.

There seems to be a common thread of experience among these good and decent men.  Although there were many who say they loved serving in full-time ministry, most have said that there were circumstances that occurred that had a profound and negative effect upon them and their Priesthood. 

For some, the memories of these hurts are deeply rooted and still fresh.  For others, it has taken years to heal those wounds and the sense of personal failure so common among them.

As one surveys the landscape of the Church today, the number of those who have left the Priesthood is shocking indeed.  And yet, to my knowledge, no one has taken the time to listen to the reasons why.

I have.  Over dinner or a drink.  Sharing a meal with their wives and families.  On the phone and, yes, even in the Confessional.

It’s true, some gave into temptation and, for reasons of personal integrity, felt they couldn’t live the double life which such an hypocrisy would require of them.  In some strange way, their profound respect for the Priesthood demanded that they walk away and carry the burden of being branded failures rather than publicly profane the Church by the scandal that might follow should their failings become public. 

Some discovered they were simply incapable of Priesthood.  They found they couldn’t bear the burden of others’ consciences.  Some told me they were terrified whenever they entered the Confessional.  Others dreaded caring for the sick and dying, dreaded being in the hospital rooms or near the death beds.  Still others could not overcome their fears of inadequacy as they listened to the tales of tragedy served up in heavy doses in the myriad stories of human failing and sinfulness.

Some were simply overworked.   They couldn’t handle being “on call” 24/7, cringing whenever the phone or doorbell to the rectory rang.

A goodly number felt they were completely unprepared for what the Priesthood would demand of them.  Most told me that their experience of Priesthood was totally different from what they thought it would be throughout their seminary formation.  They became depressed. Some despondent.  They believed that had to leave in order to survive.

Many felt a sense of loneliness and emotional emptiness.  For them, Priesthood was an endless progression of long hours and countless demands with little appreciation or recognition of their effort.  They discovered they could not cope with the isolation they experienced.

Almost to a person, those who left the active ministry told me that their greatest fear in leaving was their concern of having no other way of making a living.  All of their educational experience had been centered upon Priestly service.  And so, their decision to stay on or leave was very often wrapped up in worries about how they would survive once they left.

Perhaps, what has been most disquieting to me as I have listened to these men is the sense of personal failure many carry with them.   Many related how those who had been so friendly and accepting while they wore the Roman collar now shunned them.   Fellow Priests broke off all former ties to them.  Family members were ashamed and embarrassed by them.  The Church publicly labeled them traitors and infidels.  Like Hester Prynne, many still feel as though they carry a “scarlett letter” on their foreheads.

For these men, leaving active ministry has been no panacea.  It has carried with it its own painfulness.  Yet to a man, every person told me the sense of psychological and moral relief from the burden of ministry was liberating.  A common metaphor I’ve often heard is that they felt “they could breathe again”, the heavy load of Priestly ministry having been lifted from them by their decision to leave.

But my brother-Priests who have left active ministry largely feel as though they are “men without a country”.  Sadly, I believe they are right.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that lately many of these men have discovered a sense of hope in the person of Pope Francis, hope that perhaps soon the Church will turn its face to them and stop judging them, perhaps even accepting and embracing them for the integrity of their decision to leave rather than injure the Priesthood they still respect and admire.

Some hope that Francis may even turn to them in some capacity to exercise their continuing Priesthood, perhaps if only to offer Holy Mass or administer the Sacraments, with none of the administrative entanglements that accompany full-time active ministry.

For while these men have left active ministry, they remain Priests and the Priesthood is still very deeply engrained within them.

I pray that their hope is not unfounded.  I pray that the Holy Spirit will move Pope Francis to reach out and finally embrace these good men, removing from them once and for all the hint of any personal stain or sense of betrayal. 

Pope Francis has become the icon of Divine Mercy, calling upon all Christians to rediscover the essence of the Gospel:  forgiveness and charity.  I pray he will extend that charity and forgiveness to my brother-Priests and welcome them publicly back to the Church some still wish to serve.