Intimate relationships require a high level of integrity in order to thrive.
Perhaps, the most intimate of all relationships is that which people of faith establish with Almighty God.
For Catholics, that relationship is both founded and forged through the mediation of the Church believed to have been instituted by the Lord Himself as the instrument by which humanity and Divinity are united in a bond of redemptive love.
In every relationship, when a violation of trust (large or small) occurs, it is of critical import to examine the circumstances which caused that violation and to immediately begin to engage in a healing process that will restore confidence and goodwill to the relationship, if such is possible.
A betrayal of trust breaks the bond that is considered vital to the integrity of a relationship.
The capacity of a relationship to recover from such a betrayal has a lot to do with the responses, on the part of the betrayer to the situation. The more open and non-defensive they are, the more likely it is that a restitution of the relationship is possible.
When both parties are committed to this as an outcome, the likelihood increases exponentially.
Lies and denials that are used to cover-up a transgression can do much more damage than the violation itself. Even if the lie is never uncovered and the offense is not revealed, there can still be great harm done to the very foundation of the relationship.
Trust is inevitably sacrificed even when secrets go undetected.
Psychologists and counselors tell us that there are some actions which can facilitate the recovery process, though carrying through with them is no guarantee that healing and reconciliation will automatically follow.
1. Acknowledge the betrayal before it is discovered. The sooner the better. The longer the lied, the deeper the damage and the less likely any healing or restoration can take place.
2. Be honest. But, expect it will require additional, lots of additional evidence before trust and confidence is restored, if ever.
3. Answer questions. Don’t be defensive in responses. And don’t withhold anything. Even if the questions seem to be repetitive or unnecessary, they need answers in order to come to terms with the situation.
4. Be mindful of the emotional reaction to the betrayal. Feelings aren’t necessarily rational, but they are real.
5. Be patient. Resist the temptation to urge the wounded partner to “get over it”.
6. Take personal responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge the truth of the failing and avoid any explanations, rationalizations, excuses, or justifications for the behavior.
It appears to be a list of the very actions the Bishops and Pope Francis himself have failed to take.
This explains the deep fracture which has taken place between the Bishops and the Catholic faithful.
And as long as the Bishops continue on their course of evading responsibility and offer crude, insensitive and implausible explanations and excuses, they will continue to violate the trust so necessary for the People of God to maintain their relationship with the Church.
Rather than facilitating the restoration process, the Bishops by ignoring these healing actions have worsened the wound of betrayal by adding injuries to the insult.
Of course, being honest and true, being faithful in the first place, spares the anguish anguish of healing a betrayal.
But in those cases in which the damage is done, most of the time, recovery may not be possible.
The experience of widespread divorce and separation in the lives of married and unmarried couples provides more than sufficient proof that the restoration of trust and confidence is perhaps the most difficult, if not impossible, of burdens.
Love makes all things possible.
The Church needs that love -- in the Grace of the Holy Spirit -- to restore and reconcile the faithful to their Bishops.
Only time will tell if that trust is ever really restored in our lifetime or the future of the Church.
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