The relationship between a Bishop and his Diocese has been described as the relationship of a groom to his bride.
If there is any semblance of reality in the analogy, then we can easily observe that many a Bishop’s “marriage” to his Diocese is in serious trouble.
And, of course, why do so many marriages experience critical difficulties?
They do so because of some kind of broken trust.
Like most marriages, the couple wants to rebuilt the relationship. In some cases, there are those who many to stay together, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have truly healed that languishing breach.
So, too, is the experience of pain and sorrow that has accompanied the loss of confidence in the Bishops on the part of diocesan faithful.
This loss of trust will not be easy to overcome and will require that both the Bishops and the faithful are fully committed to whatever it takes to learn from what occurred to cause the breach in confidence and turn toward a realistic and believable future.
As in marriages, even when there have been incidences of fear, anger, hurt, insecurity, self-doubt and humiliation, most partners still have a bond that they may not want to end.
Both partners struggle to balance between continuing an anguished relationship and experiencing the grief of splitting up.
Betrayals come in many forms. When married couples look back in time, they realize that some might have been predictable.
Others seem to have been a total surprise, without the partners realizing that an inevitable breach was about to occur.
Even when a relationship seems healthy and unassailable, they can fall prey to a betrayal that cannot be easily predicted or explained.
Doesn’t this fit the experience of the faithful with their Bishops of late?
Most people hold the word betrayal as synonymous with infidelity. Perhaps that is because it is the most common form of broken trust in an intimate relationship, and represents the most basic elements that destroy faith between intimate partners.
Committed partners traditionally promise one another that they will remain faithful for the duration of their relationship and they use that sacred agreement as the foundation of all other trusts between them. When one breaks that promise, the fallout from that deception infiltrates the entirety of the bond which has held the relationship intact to that point.
I contend that is the very sense of betrayal many Catholic are experiencing in their relationships with their Bishops.
When couples commit to a relationship, they agree to follow the ethics, values, and behaviors that will ensure that their relationship continues to thrive. Depending on how well they know themselves and each other, they make those agreements in good faith, and trust that each will live by them.
When that ethic, when those values are betrayed, many married couples find themselves beyond hope of reconciliation.
Yet, there are a few marriages in which the partners so value one another that the concept that they will never be together again is simply unacceptable to both.
They become committed to the possibility that the betrayal will somehow become the foundation for a deeper and more devoted relationship and they are willing to do whatever is necessary to make that happen.
If a couple suffering the agony of broken trust is committed to transforming their relationship, they must both be willing to follow some clear guidelines for this kind of miraculous outcome to happen.
First, the partner who has clearly betrayed the other must be able to witness and admit his or her intentional breaking of the faith they once shared. That remorse must be absolute and the deception must not be excused.
People who have made self-serving decisions to act in a way that causes irreparable harm to their partners must be willingly accountable for what they have done. They cannot blame, make excuses, dismiss or minimize the action, nor expect their partners to heal before they are ready. They must also be willing to do whatever is necessary to put in the energy, time, and caring required to build a new relationship.
And so, the Bishops must hold themselves accountable. Nothing else will suffice.
The betrayed partners must still be willing to fight for resolution despite their legitimate pain. If love and other sacred attachments are still present, those betrayed partners must be open to examine their own participation in what has happened and work hard to get through the understandable need to express their wounds and desires to retaliate.
For their part, the faithful must be willing to allow that the Church can change and Bishops be appointed who will commit themselves to the care of those entrusted to them.
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops will meet this week in Baltimore.
The Bishops have indicated their commitment to address the scandal of the homosexual predation of young males by Catholic Clergy as well as their silence and inaction regarding the abuse.
In preparation for the meeting, the Bishops have committed themselves to the hazardous journey of attempting to restore the trust which the faithful had placed in them, the trust which they betrayed so often and so seriously.
Will the Conference be able to restore that trust? Will the faithful accept the Bishops' promises of amendment?
Will, years hence, both Bishops and the faithful be able to look back at this horrific experience of betrayal as the wake-up call that preceded a new level of commitment and depth in their relationship.
These are the questions hanging over this Conference gathering.
Will the Church survive this crisis?
It is up to the Bishops and their faithful to make that decision and the moment is NOW!
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