It’s a part of the natural order of things, I guess.
It seems that, as we advance in age (hopefully accompanied by wisdom, though not always unfortunately), there is greater time for reflection.
I know that is generally true in my situation as a retired Priest.
Most evenings, I enjoy watching the beautiful sunsets for which the Valley of the Sun is famous here in Phoenix, Arizona. It is a quiet time, a pensive moment, caught between the dying of the day and the onset of the night. Oftentimes, these are moments when I reflect upon the memories of the people who have been part of my life’s experience. Quite often, I am inclined to remember those who have died but left a lasting impression upon me.
I have great memories of so many, and, sadly, not so much of others. That is sad to admit. It can be very hard to have good memories of some people. But, each of us hold memories of peoples’ characters and the legacy of memories, for good or ill, they have left behind.
I confess that, in my youth, I took for granted the precious and now-adjudged all too few moments I shared with some remarkable individuals who graced my life with their kindness, their wisdom and their virtue. Now, the memory of their coming into and going out of my life reminds me of my own appointment with death which has increasingly perceptible features.
I am not crippled by a fear of dying.
I accept the Divine Judgment upon sinful humanity and the admonition of the Creator to both Adam and Eve that, as a result of our pride and selfishness, mankind will “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.” (Genesis 3:19)
I wonder what the moment of death will be like for me. Will I be prepared or will death come suddenly? Will death come as a friend, relieving me of suffering? Will it come as foe, robbing me of many more days of discovery and joy in this life?
Sometimes, the wondering about the personal circumstances of my moment of death can be a bit overwhelming. Still, I choose to believe that Jesus has promised Eternal Life to those who trust in His Mercy. That is enough to dispel the doubts and fears we all naturally have about our mortality.
So what memories will I leave behind for people to reflect on when I die?
I can only hope the memories, the legacy (if you will) will be intimately associated with my abiding trust in God’s generous forgiveness of us sinners.
This has been the foundation of my life as a Priest, as a person, to trust that, no matter how profoundly and how often we turn away from the ways of Grace and Truth, the Father is always ready and eager to embrace His Prodigal Sons and Daughters.
This truth, this bedrock of my faith in God, has been the steady and constant source of comfort and joy in my Christian faith. If I have succeeded in sharing that with others, then that is what I am content to consider to have been the only lasting value of my earthly existence.
In just a hour or so, the sun will begin to set. I will take my place on my patio and gaze into the distance horizon as the rays of light all too quickly fade into the darkness of a cobalt sky. I will remember loved ones and friends again this evening. Dearest parents, teachers, seminary professors, fellow Priests, parishioners who gladdened my life just by their presence. I will commend them to the Mercy of God and the Hope of Eternal Life for which I myself pray.
I will bless the legacy of goodness with which they have touched my life and hope, in some small way, that my life will have been a blessing to others.
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